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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26020267">Vexed Roommates</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/4G3NT_0R4NG3/pseuds/4G3NT_0R4NG3'>4G3NT_0R4NG3</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Stories of Lich-5 and Windy [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Destiny (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Comedy, Gen, Guardians being dumbasses, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Roommates, Sexual Humor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:08:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,918</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26020267</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/4G3NT_0R4NG3/pseuds/4G3NT_0R4NG3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Meet Lich-5 and Windy, the two biggest dumbasses on this side of the Tower. When Windy takes an interest in his roommate's latest Vex science project, he gets more than he bargained for when the situation blows up in their faces.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Stories of Lich-5 and Windy [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2158602</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>        When Windy walks in, Lich-5 is sitting on the couch of their apartment, one hand tapping furiously on the datapad to her side. Her other is fiddling with a new <em> thing </em> on their coffee table. It’s a white, crystalline lattice structure, mounted on a plate of Vex metal and crisscrossed with wires. Light and dark spots subtly shift within it as she makes adjustments, almost as if the crystal is flowing.</p><p><em>       Ah Traveler, not this shit again. </em> Lich has made a long-standing habit of using their living room for her twisted Warlock-y science projects. Each time he’s told her to take it into her room, she complies, but then always seems to conveniently forget his request the next time. It wouldn’t even be such a big deal, if half the experiments didn’t result in gigantic messes that were a pain in both of their asses to clean up. He’s pretty sure there’s still Hive blood in the carpet from a few months ago.</p><p>        He doesn’t even bother this time. Whatever she’s doing has to be at least mildly interesting. Vaulting over the back of the couch, he plops down beside her, causing her to jump.</p><p>        “Whatcha doing with that datalettuce?”</p><p>        “Oh!” After her initial surprise, her face lights up, literally and metaphorically. Showing an interest in her work has always gotten an enthusiastic response out of her. “I got some living datalattice from the Black Garden! It's a crystal that Vex radiolaria make out of their silica exoskeletons. Most of the time, the radiolaria inside die pretty quickly after you harvest it, cuz they’re disconnected from the Vex collective. But I got a living sample! The radiolaria in this one are still alive. I made this life support system to sustain it separate from the collective.”</p><p>        He nods, managing to mostly follow along. “And what’s it doing on the coffee table?”</p><p>        Her strawberry-red eyes beam even brighter. “That’s the cool part! If my theories are correct…" Windy is convinced that the use of that phrase is the sole reason she is a Warlock and he is not. "...Now that I've separated it from the Sol Divisive subnet, the radiolaria in this datalattice should now be operating as its own individual Vex mind. Each radiolarian acts as a neuron, like in your brain. So I'm gonna hook my neural network up to it and see what it's thinking!"</p><p>        Windy had been following her explanation up until the last sentence. He doesn’t possess her understanding of Vex biology, but he can definitely intuit when an idea is unbelievably stupid.</p><p>        "Wait, what? Why?"</p><p>        Lich pauses. Her fiberglass face is less expressive than a fleshy one, but Windy reads it as puzzled.</p><p>        "If this works, we could apply it in the field to predict Vex troop movements. It could be a game-changer on Nessus or Mercury."</p><p>        In their time as both friends and roommates, Windy has developed a knack for cutting through Lich's particular brand of bullshit. He sighs and looks directly into her glowing camera-eyes. "You just want to see what’ll happen, cuz you think it’d be cool. This is an intellectual flex for you. It's like a Titan trying to bench press their entire fireteam."</p><p>        She deflates, knowing she’s been beaten. "...Yeah. I don't know about that other stuff, but it would be really fucking cool though."</p><p>        And also incredibly stupid, but he'll give her the cool factor. He leans into the cubic crystal, focusing on the tiny adjustments she makes to the cables keeping the microorganisms alive.</p><p>        “But that’s irrelevant. The only difference between science and screwing around is writing it down. And I’ve been taking careful notes.” She taps the datapad to her side, getting a chuckle out of him.</p><p>        She keeps one eye on the graphical displays and text documents on her datapad, pulling them up and making edits every time something changes. “Alright, that looks stable enough.”</p><p>        She picks up two heavy fiber-optic cables from off the floor, and plugs them into the sides of her head where the ears would be on a human. Each one snaps into place with an audible click.</p><p>        He chuckles again. “A hundred Glimmer says you go insane from getting your mind overloaded with knowledge or discovering some terrible eldritch secret of the Vex.”</p><p>        She doesn’t answer. Taking her datapad in both hands, she pulls up a page full of code, and hovers a finger over the ‘run’ button. Windy sucks in a breath, and abruptly realizes he’d been on the edge of his seat for the last few minutes.</p><p>        Lich lunglessly mimes a deep breath. “Starting the connection in three… two… one…”</p><p>        She taps the button, and immediately her eyes and mouth fall agape. The expression reminds Windy of some of the more extreme psychedelic trips he’s helped friends through.</p><p>        “Oh, <em> wow… </em>”</p><p>        A fraction of a second later, she does the robotic equivalent of furrowing her brow.</p><p>        “Wait, wha-”</p><p>        The crystalline pillar of radiolaria on the coffee table <em> explodes. </em> With a sound like shattering glass, the white structure instantly reverts to a liquid state, spraying a wave of radiolarian goo outwards in all directions. The blast strikes them both, the pressure of the liquid knocking them back into the couch. Both of them, as well as their entire living room, are now splattered top to bottom with an organic white slime.</p><p>        The two scream in unison as the sticky, salty Vex milk blasts into both of their faces. Something analogous to pain floods through Lich’s sensors as the residual electricity in the radiolaria soaks into her cranium and overloads her circuitry. Windy, just barely managing to close his eyes in time, leaps up off the couch and attempts a blind vault over it in the same way he had sat down. In the process, his feet snag on the back, his momentum causing it to topple backwards with Lich still on it. He promptly faceplants onto the carpet, then begins desperately trying to extricate his feet from the cushions.</p><p>        Still screaming and clutching her milk-coated face, Lich falls with the couch as it goes down. Her head heaves on the cables still plugged into her as she falls, dragging the plate of exploded datalattice off the coffee table with her. The incredibly complex, hand-crafted mechanical apparatus, which once supported a living culture of Sol Divisive radiolaria, snaps in half on impact with the carpeted floor.</p><p>        Finally freeing himself from the couch, Windy bolts on all fours for the bathroom door, yanking it open and slamming it shut behind him.</p><p>        "Don't wash it down the drain!" Lich manages to stop screaming for just long enough to call after him. Radiolaria dribbles into her open mouth, and her voice is reduced to a burst of static as it painfully zaps her speakers.</p><p>        Desperate to kill the electrified microorganisms, Lich does the only thing she can think of: activating her super. Immediately, she’s engulfed in solar fire, sterilizing her body and evaporating away the dead radiolaria while leaving her unharmed. Still on fire, she allows herself to roll off the couch and onto the carpet, letting out a simulation of a sigh. For the time being, it escapes her notice that her flaming body leaves a blackened and smouldering circle of incinerated carpet where she lays, and half the upturned couch is in a similar state of ruin. The burned-off ends of the fiber-optic cables still dangle from her not-ears.</p><p>        What she <em> does </em> notice is the sound of water rushing through the pipes under the floorboards. Sprinting over to the bathroom, she furiously jiggles the locked knob, then begins pounding on the door.</p><p>        “Don't get in the shower!” she yells at Windy through the door. “You’ll contaminate the water supply with radiolaria!” No answer, nor a change in the sound of water through the pipes. She beats it harder. “Windy, open the door right now! <em> Get out of the shower!” </em></p><p>        The door swings open and Lich stumbles forwards, nearly colliding with a dripping wet Windy, still in his armor. </p><p>        "You gonna break down the door too?"</p><p>        “You washed it down the drain, didn’t you.” It’s not even really a question.</p><p>        “Of course I did! That shit stung!”</p><p>        “<em>Ohhh </em> this is really bad for health and safety.”</p><p>        Ignoring her distress, Windy looks past her at their ground zero of an apartment. “You know what’s bad for health and safety? Exploding a thing of Vex milk in our faces and <em> wait why is the couch melted in half?” </em></p><p>        “I used my super to kill the radiolaria. I’ll get us a new couch, but that’s really not important right now, <em> please- </em>”</p><p>        “You popped a fucking <em> Dawnblade </em> in our <em> apartment!? </em>”</p><p>        She groans and throws her head back, while he takes in the disastrous scene of their living room. Seeing the white slime soaking into the drywall, his demeanor shifts as he chuckles to himself again. Leave it to Windy to find amusement in this situation. She's always hated that fast and low chuckle; it means that a joke is coming at someone's expense, usually hers.</p><p>        He gestures to the fluid coating the walls. “It looks like your insides after a Titan takes you home.”</p><p>        “Shut <em> the fuck </em> up!” she spits back. If she had blood vessels, her cheeks would be burning red. “Just <em> listen </em> to me, for once in your damn life. If the water reclamation system doesn’t kill the radiolaria, then anyone who drinks it is gonna die.”</p><p>        He cocks his head to the side in bewilderment. “Wait... Why?”</p><p>        “You know what happened to Kabr the Legionless?” He shakes his head curtly.</p><p>        “How about Asher Mir?” That rings a bell. His expression morphs into one of horror.</p><p>        “Yeah. If you ingest radiolaria, it grows inside you and consumes you from the inside out while slowly transforming your body into a Vex construct.” She claws her hands and gestures with a twisting motion for emphasis. “Sure it’ll die without my life support system <em> eventually </em>, but not before every person in the Tower has gone for a drink. Guardians can rez out of it as long as their Ghosts aren’t infected, but the civilian staff can’t. It’s gonna kill people, and then we’ll have to fight off our former friends as Goblins and shit."</p><p>        "And you were working with this shit on our coffee table?"</p><p>        She’s unfazed. "Yeah. It's completely harmless if you don't get it into your bloodstream. Well, aside from the electric shock, but that's not a biohazard. Wait… did you get any in your eyes or mouth?"</p><p>        "I had my eyes closed, but I spit some out in the shower. Is that good enough?"</p><p>        "I hope so. You might wanna shoot yourself and have your Ghost rez you just to be sure. Also, burn your corpse afterwards too."</p><p>        She runs her fingers over the ornamental horn on her forehead in exasperation. <em> "Fuuuuck </em>I’m gonna have to report this to the Vanguard. They need to shut off the water as soon as possible.”</p><p>        Windy shrugs and turns to the kitchen to look for cleaning supplies. “Well, have fun with that.”</p><p>        “Oh, you’re coming with me too.” Before he can react, she grabs his wrist and starts dragging him towards their front door.</p><p>        In shock, he throws a hand towards the far side of the living room. “But this is gonna stain the drywall! I have to clean up <em> your </em> mess again.”</p><p>        “Telling the Vanguard to shut off the water is part of that. <em> You </em> washed it down the drain, <em> you’re </em> gonna tell Ikora with me.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>        “...As I was saying, Executor Hideo has some… <em> concerns </em> about how the Vanguard is allocating their funding from New Monarchy.”</p><p>        Ikora takes an impassive sip from her teacup, concealing the frown that her lips would have pulled into had she not. “Oh? What might those be?”</p><p>        The New Monarchy representative flips open the manila folder in front of him, extracting a spreadsheet and looking it over. “I noticed here that nearly five million Glimmer is being spent annually on ‘viscera cleanup,’ specifically around the base of the Tower; would you care to explain the details on that?”</p><p>        On her walk here, Ikora had watched a Guardian fling themselves over a loose safety railing, giggling madly as they’d plummeted to the street below. Thirty seconds later, they’d resurrected and done it again. <em> I would give </em> anything <em> to not be in this meeting right now. </em></p><p>        Both politicians whip their heads toward the door when three hurried knocks reverberate through their private chambers. The New Monarchy representative shoots Ikora a questioning glance, and she gives a small shrug in response.</p><p>        Whoever is on the other side jiggles the knob, then knocks again faster, with an edge of desperation.</p><p>        “Ikora?” The voice has a staticky crackle to it, like it’s coming through a damaged speaker. Definitely an Exo on the other side of the door. For the briefest moment, she could have almost believed that Cayde was the one coming to interrupt her diplomatic meeting again with some asinine query, before a pang of grief brings her back to reality. This voice is too feminine to be him, anyways.</p><p>        “Excuse me for one moment.”</p><p>        Upon seeing the representative give a reluctant nod, Ikora stands from her seat, setting down her tea on the table between them. She feels immediate relief at an excuse to put this meeting on hold, but it’s quickly curtailed by her sense of duty. As much as she doesn’t want to be here right now, there are some responsibilities that simply have to be done, regardless of her personal feelings on the matter.</p><p>        She walks over to the door and answers through it to the perturber on the other side. “I’m in a highly sensitive political meeting right now. Whatever it is will have to wait.”</p><p>        “My apologies, Vanguard, but this really can’t. If we don’t address it immediately, there are going to be casualties.”</p><p>        Ikora lets the tiniest growl escape her. “Tell the maintenance staff that Zavala will have the new safety railings installed tomorrow.”</p><p>        “Oh, no, this is way more urgent than that.”</p><p>        She turns back to the representative with an apologetic grimace that she doesn’t really feel. He nods again, giving a diplomatic facade of understanding, although clearly peeved beneath it. <em> So much for that funding. </em></p><p>        Ikora opens the door to see a disheveled Exo Warlock, dragging along a similarly distressed human Hunter by the wrist. Half the Warlock’s body is blackened by a thick layer of ash, while the Hunter’s armor is soaked like he was just pulled out of a pond. She groans reflexively; whatever absurd story these two have to tell her had better be worth her time.</p><p>        “What <em> is it,</em> Guardians?” She deliberately lets more than the necessary amount of annoyance slip into her tone.</p><p>        With his unrestrained hand, the drenched Hunter points an accusing finger at the ash-coated Warlock. “She infected the water supply with Vex jizz.”</p><p>        The Warlock spins on him. "<em>You </em> washed the Vex jizz down the drain after I told you not to!”</p><p>        Ikora takes a furious step through the door and slams it behind her, jolting both of their attentions to her. She goes for the Warlock first.</p><p>
  <em>         “What. The FUCK. Did you do.” </em>
</p><p>        Ikora’s glare reminds Lich of some of the fiercer opponents she’s faced in the Crucible. It’s alarmingly off-putting to hear the usually serene Warlock Vanguard swear, for everyone involved. She takes a defensive step back, still clinging to Windy’s wrist.</p><p>        “U-um...” A beat passes between the trio while Ikora waits for an answer. Lich’s mind races for a way of explaining things that would deflect her Vanguard’s anger, but she’s too anxious to find the words and keeps coming up blank.</p><p>        Ikora folds her arms irritably. “What’s your name, Warlock?” she questions, and Lich’s train of thought comes to a screeching halt.</p><p>        “Uh, Lich-5, ma’am.”</p><p>        “And you, Hunter?”</p><p>        He raises his free hand in greeting. “I’m Windy.”</p><p>        She narrows her eyes at the Warlock. “Well then, <em> Lich, </em> I believe I asked you a <em> question. </em> And you’d better have a <em> damn </em> good explanation for whatever idiotic move you pulled.”</p><p>        Lich pushes through her fear to stammer out an answer, raising her unoccupied hand as if trying to ease a feral animal. “Okay. So I got a living sample of Vex datalattice from the Black Garden. I built a life support system for it and kept it alive all the way back to the Tower. I theorized that it would operate as its own Vex mind when it was separated from the collective. <em> Sooo... </em> I tried to hook my neural net up to it to see what it was thinking.” Ikora’s eyebrows fly up at that.</p><p>        “And then it blew up.” the Hunter interjects.</p><p>        “...Yeah. It blew up. And splattered radiolaria all over us. And then <em> HE </em> washed it off in the shower, <em> after I told him not to! </em>”</p><p>        “I was already in the shower when you told me!”</p><p><em>         “Enough!”  </em>Ikora bellows. “Explain to me exactly how any of this is my problem.”</p><p>        The Warlock continues with her explanation. “The thing is, I don’t know if the Tower’s water reclamation system will kill the radiolaria. If it doesn’t, then anyone who drinks it is gonna get infected and slowly turn into a Vex construct. Like Asher Mir’s arm, but on a more full-body scale, happening to the Tower’s entire civilian population.”</p><p>        As the offending Warlock explains herself, Ikora’s rage becomes increasingly mixed with horror. She recalls all the nights she spent by Asher’s hospital bedside, the right side of his body mangled and interspersed with grotesque machinery. A breakout of this sheer scale would be so disastrous she doesn’t even want to speculate on the implications. She might’ve given anything to escape that meeting, but she wouldn’t give <em> this. </em></p><p><em>         "</em><em>Why </em> would you <em> ever </em> think this was a good idea!?” She irately gestures to the Warlock.</p><p>        “Uh… well, we could predict Vex troop—”</p><p>        “She just wanted to see what would happen. And thought it would be cool.” the Hunter interrupts. The Warlock whirls on him, positively fuming, but Ikora’s infuriated groan silences her response.</p><p>        “I would have expected better from you, but I suppose I held too much faith in your competency. How can a Warlock be so smart, and yet so incredibly <em> stupid?” </em></p><p><em>         That </em> stings Lich, even more than the Radiolaria did. She searches for words, but quickly decides to remain silent. There’s nothing she could say at this point, anyway.</p><p>        “I’ll message the maintenance crews to shut off the water. As for <em> you, </em>” Ikora spits derisively at her, “there are two ways we can handle this situation.</p><p>        “First, I could follow proper protocol and arrest you for criminal water pollution here and now. I’d take you into custody myself, then call the Praxic Order and have them drag you off to the Tower’s holding cells, where you would await trial. Based on your own testimony so far, that is <em> not </em> a case you’d win.”</p><p>        Lich freezes in her boots. She’d protest, but is suddenly too stricken with fear to find the right words. From the moment Ikora had to be involved, she knew she’d be in deep shit, but it’s just now starting to dawn on her how deep the shit really is. <em> Oh fuck, </em> she might seriously end up in prison over this stupid science experiment.</p><p>        “Alternatively, since I’m in a generous mood today…” Ikora <em> really </em>isn’t, but she’s learned in her many years of being the Warlock Vanguard that sometimes discretion is the best policy. “...You can take full, one hundred percent responsibility for fixing this problem yourself. You will do nothing else until every drop of water in the Tower has been purified of your little experiment. If you can’t get it done in a timely manner, I’m sure the Praxics will be happy to meet you.”</p><p>        Lich swallows heavily. “Yeah, I’ll go with the second one.” she concedes. “Just one thing though… how would I do that?”</p><p>        Ikora shrugs dismissively. “That’s your problem to figure out, not mine. If you don’t want to be found guilty of criminal negligence, I suggest you think of a solution fast.” If it wasn’t made of fiberglass, Lich’s face would have paled.</p><p>        The Hunter pipes up. “Well, how are you gonna clean up our living room?”</p><p>        The Warlock pauses, with that same expression of puzzlement she had in the living room. Absolutely typical. “I could sterilize it with solar fire, like I did before.”</p><p>        “You fucking <em> melted our couch in half, </em> and now you wanna light up the whole apartment!?”</p><p>        The Vanguard interrupts the two. “You are <em> not </em> just going to fill your apartment with Solar grenades. You’d start a fire that would burn down the entire housing block. You are extremely lucky you didn’t start one already, unless you also want arson charges added to your case.”</p><p>        “Uhh…” Lich can feel her thought process scrambling around in her metal skull, reaching for anything resembling a feasible idea. The anxiety isn’t making it any easier to figure out a solution. “If I need something sterilized, and solar fire isn’t an option, my next thought would be bleach.”</p><p>        Ikora’s rage only grows. “You are <em> not </em> going to pour bleach in the water supply either!”</p><p>        “Okay, okay! I wasn’t planning on it!”</p><p>        The two Warlocks continue squabbling for awhile longer, and it’s the Hunter that finally puts the obvious two and two together. “Maybe use the solar fire on the water, and the bleach on our living room?”</p><p>        Lich stops in her tracks, immediately distracted from her hurried attempts to placate the Vanguard. “Huh… that might actually work. Radiolaria are a bit tougher than most microbes, but they shouldn’t be able to survive at the boiling point of water for more than a few minutes. At least, I hope so. Bleach could soak or discolor the drywall, but... I think we’re already well past that point.” She hesitates slightly at Windy’s look of irritation.</p><p>        “It’s settled, then.” Ikora sticks an arm out down the hall. “The water treatment facility is that way. Get moving.” Lich gives a quick nod and scurries off in the indicated direction, eager to avoid further beratement.</p><p>        Although letting the Warlock go is <em> technically </em> a breach of policy that she knows Zavala or Aunor wouldn’t appreciate, Ikora’s experience tells her that imprisoning a Guardian over a mostly innocent mistake wouldn’t benefit anyone. The Warlock could probably get the water purified faster than the maintenance crews, anyway. When a Guardian really puts their mind to something, instead of their usual screwing around, they can make surprising headway with almost any task at hand. They just need the right motivation, and in this case, the fear of prison works adequately enough.</p><p>        With his wrist finally freed, the Hunter lingers behind. “Um, may I go, ma’am?”</p><p>        “No one’s keeping you here.”</p><p>        “Ah. Right then. Apologies again for the interruption, Vanguard.”</p><p>        Ikora brings two fingers to the bridge of her nose, her face screwing up with tension. “No, it’s fine. Wrangling idiot children is part of my job description.”</p><p>        Windy wisely decides to excuse himself as quickly as possible after that.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>        Lich-5 is currently standing in the Tower’s central water treatment facility, surrounded by a maze of pipes and massive tanks of water in various stages of purification. Ordinarily, this place would be deafening with the rattling and rushing of water and machinery, but it’s eerily silent now with the flow brought to a standstill. Lich holds her Dawnblade under the surface of one of the pools, waiting for its entire contents to finish boiling as bubbles of steam cascade upward from the flaming sword.</p>
<p>        This isn’t the only tank she’ll have to do. She’s already been at this for an excruciatingly boring two hours, and with the current energy output of her super, she’s calculated it’ll take at least another twelve to boil the Tower’s entire water supply. Despite Ikora’s mercy, it’s difficult to not feel at least a little bit bitter over being stuck here all day. Whether it’s at Ikora, Windy, or herself, she isn’t quite sure. All of them feel somewhat misplaced, admittedly to varying degrees.</p>
<p>        From the hallway behind her, the clacking of boots against concrete draws Lich’s attention. When she looks up, Windy is there, leaning against the doorway.</p>
<p>        “Hey.”</p>
<p>        “Way to throw me under the maglev train back there. What, come to gloat at my humiliation?”</p>
<p>        “Actually, I came to <em> help </em> you, as novel of a concept as that may be.” He twists toward her, placing a hand on his hip. “And also, I’m the one who suggested boiling the water, so I think I deserve a bit more respect. Unless, of course, you’d prefer to handle this one solo.”</p>
<p>        As tempting as it would be to simply tell him off, being stuck here for the better part of a day would be far more excruciating to deal with than his smugness. She bites back an insult and gestures him in.</p>
<p>        “Since when have you <em> ever </em> willingly taken on extra work?”</p>
<p>        “Since I last owed someone a favor.” He gives her a grin, and at least gets an amused exhale out of her.</p>
<p>        He approaches her beside the water tank. “I already scrubbed the living room down with bleach and called a repair company. You can thank me for that one later. They can’t come and assess the damage until tomorrow, but when they do, they’ll probably be pretty confused how you managed to accomplish both water and fire damage at the same time.”</p>
<p>        Ordinarily, Lich might have laughed at that, but now she just scoffs. Windy ignites his Golden Gun and plunges it into the open water tank next to where her Dawnblade is burning. The two settle into a tense silence as the roiling of the water doubles with the combined heat of their supers.</p>
<p>        “So… Ikora really wrung you out there.”</p>
<p>        “She let me off easy. I’m just thankful I’m not in a holding cell right now.” Lich doesn’t look up at him from her submerged Dawnblade. “And plus, it’s not like anything she said was incorrect. It’s only right that I clean up my own messes.”</p>
<p>        “I think contaminating the Tower’s entire water supply with an infectious microorganism goes a little beyond just a mess.”</p>
<p>        She sighs deeply. “Yeah. I get it. I fucked up. You don’t need to rub it in anymore.”</p>
<p>        “<em>But, </em> I was the one who caused it to get to that level. It’s one of your few fuck-ups that I’ve had a hand in, actually.” His free hand goes to the back of his head. “After Ikora nearly threw you in prison while almost completely ignoring me, for something that <em> I </em> did, I’d feel like kind of an asshole if I didn’t help you out.”</p>
<p>        “Aw, Windy, you actually <em> do </em> have a conscience in there somewhere!” Lich clasps a mocking hand over her chest where her heart would be. “And a work ethic, apparently.”</p>
<p>        “Yeah, well, don’t expect it to last.” he chuckles. “You’re still paying for a new couch.”</p>
<p>        She rolls her optics. “Yes, I’ll pay for a new couch.”</p>
<p>        “And new carpet.”</p>
<p>        “<em>Fiiine </em>, I’ll replace the carpet too.”</p>
<p>        The two Guardians continue their work in merciful silence. A few minutes later, Windy offers to get chairs for the both of them, and Lich gladly accepts. Her feet might be made of metal, but they’ve still grown numb over the two hours she’s been standing. When he returns, she’s unsurprised to see he brought two cans of cheap beer along with a pair of folding chairs.</p>
<p>        “Figure we’re gonna be here awhile.” he explains without being asked. Lich nods, gratefully reflecting on how he’s halved the time she’ll be stuck here for.</p>
<p>        It’s a bit difficult to sit while keeping an arm in the water tank, and Lich fumbles her beer can while trying to open it one-handed. It rolls over to the foot of Windy’s chair, and he rolls it back over to her with a nudge from his foot. Despite the awkwardness, it isn’t long before the two Guardians are conversing freely, like this is any other lazy evening between them. Windy empties his can long before Lich does; the taste is poor without the motivator of getting drunk.</p>
<p>        “Oh, and I was <em> right, </em> by the way. The results confirmed my hypothesis. For just a second before it blew up, I got to see what the Vex mind was thinking. My experimental methodology was solid; it just ended up causing some unforeseen collateral damage.”</p>
<p>        “‘Unforeseen Collateral Damage’ could be your full legal name.” Windy laughs, slightly buzzed. “So what were its final thoughts before it decorated our faces?”</p>
<p>        Her optics glow with enthusiasm once again. “Nothing but pure horror! Its last thought was a desire to self-terminate. I’m pretty sure that’s why it blew up; the explosion was voluntary.”</p>
<p>        He pulls away from her slightly, deeply disturbed. “Wait… so that Vex mind was so horrified at being connected to your thoughts, that it <em> chose </em> to blow itself up?”</p>
<p>        “Yep! Isn’t it fascinating?” she replies cheerily.</p>
<p>        Windy brings two fingers to his nose in a very Ikora-like fashion. “If your test subjects are gonna explosively kill themselves just so they don’t have to put up with you anymore… you think you could start conducting your science projects in your room from now on?” he hazards another attempt at the request.</p>
<p>        To his pleasant surprise, Lich sounds unexpectedly sincere when she gives her reply. “Yeah. I think I can do that.”</p>
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